My chemo is rescheduled for next week

because I will have surgery on Monday. They are going to remove my uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries.

I visited my gyn onc this morning. Her nurse was very nice--and sugary sweet. The gyn onc was perfunctory. She felt the mass on my left ovary and then excused herself. Because of the kindness and efficiency, I could tell the news wasn't going to be good.

The gyn onc returned to tell me the next steps: surgery. She said the mass didn't feel like a circular waterballoon which is the shape and texture of typical benign cyst. If the mass is cancerous, my chemo treatment will be different.

Earlier in the morning I had my blood drawn for the genetic mutation test because at 45 years old, I'm very young for breast cancer. They will run tests for the BRCA and eight other genes that increase the risk for breast and ovarian cancers. Unfortunately, the results won't be available for three weeks.

Trying to remove the mass without taking the uterus is risky. The potentially cancerous mass could rupture and "seed" the cancer to other areas. The uterus becomes a neat little bag to pull it in.

The gyn onc could place the mass in another type of bag and smash it up before removing it (gross, I know). But if my genetic mutation results come back positive, I would have to undergo a second surgery.

A simple biopsy isn't so simple. Ovarian masses have a greater tendency to give false negatives. And certain areas of the biopsy might draw liquid which isn't helpful.

The easiest surgery for my body is to go through the vagina. The gyn onc will have to cut a hole through my uterus to get to the mass thereby destroying my uterus. Might as well use it as a take-out bag. And, heck, throw in the fallopian tubes while you're at it. It eliminates the need for a potential second surgery.

This is what you call a clusterfuck.

I was stunned this morning but I'm ready to move forward. I need the chemo.

The surgery will last three hours. I will be discharged later that day. It will be performed laparoscopically with little robotic arms. The mass will be immediately analyzed once its removed while I'm still on the table. If it's cancerous, the robot arms will go back in and remove other cancerous areas (but according to the scans, the mass looks localized and the surrounding lymph nodes are not inflamed). And yes, all of this will be performed through my vagina.

I'm being mugged by a goddam robot.