Nigel knows.

You can tell your kid(s).

Actually, we told Nigel on Saturday. He did have a fun-filled weekend planned, but instead, he got the flu. Of all things. And he was vaccinated against it (fingers crossed that he will be less symptomatic). So Jase and I decided to talk to him about my breast cancer.

In order for me to do it in a calm and rational manner, I got stoned beforehand (thanks for the cookie, Don and Hannah). Sidenote: I'm currently applying for my medical marijuana card.

As you might guess, Nigel's anxious and worried and teary. He says he doesn't want to think about it much. This will be difficult for him, but I trust that he'll find a way--his way--to manage. We told Nigel that all of us will cry at times. And there will be times where he might not want to be stuck inside a sick house, and he will want to go outside to play. His job is to still be a kid.

It feels so much better to have Nigel know what's going on. We're able to have open conversations about my doctors appointments and infusions. He's watching us prepare the house for our new lifestyle. We can sit at the dinner table and chat openly--and casually--about my cancer. It feels right. I can finally sleep at night.

During that first conversation I ran downstairs and brought up this:

It was given to me by another mom who is also fighting breast cancer. She and her two children were in our playgroup. I told Nigel it was a gift from those girls. The Brave Bot will give him a little bit of courage to face the things that feel uncertain or scary.

Nigel said that it was the worst week of his life. On top of getting the flu for the first time, cancelling the awesome overnighter that was planned, totaling our car (more on this later; everyone is fine), he also learned that his mom has cancer. We told him that there will come a time when he will be able to laugh about this, once it's all behind us.