Infusion 1

I had my first chemo infusion three days ago. Three days down. 109 days to go. It feels like this will last forever.

The first infusion was uneventful. I had to take a bunch of meds: Emend, Deccadron and Zofran beforehand. They prevent nausea and vomiting. Also, since this was my very first time, they gave me an anti-anxiety med (bonus!). Perhaps it was the combination of all those drugs, but I felt buzzy and loopy and then passed out. I slept through the infusion of both my Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The nurse woke me up to say I tolerated them well and I looked over at Jason's smiling face in the chair across from me.

Adriamycin is known as the "Red Devil." The toilet bowl looked like a basin of tropical punch after my first pee post treatment. Both chemo drugs have a number of side effects that need constant monitoring.

I have to drink at least 10-12 glasses of water per day to get the poisons out of my system. And if I hold my pee for too long, they will burn my bladder and I will pee blood. It will look like coffee grounds on the bottom of the toilet. I have a one-liter Mason jar filled with water that I keep on the windowsill by my bed. Once I've drank its entire contents, I fill it up again. I know I've drank 12 glasses of water when I've dusted that jar three times.

I have to brush my teeth with a soft toothbrush and rinse and gargle with a homemade concoction of salt and baking soda--basically, runny snot--after every food I eat. My mouth needs to stay very clean or else I will get mouth sores. Ironically, flossing might cause gums to bleed and create sores. But since I'm an avid flosser (hey, gold star!), my gums are pretty tough. I will continue flossing until I have a reason to quit.

My white blood cells are going to plummet in a few days. To counteract this, I am given an injection to trigger white blood cell growth the following day after chemo. This production of white blood cells comes with it's own side effect--bone aches. For whatever reason, Claritin (yes, the allergy med) seems to alleviate this. Even though I took the Claritin, my hips and legs felt flu-ish for two days.

I have to take my temperature every day. If it gets above 100.5, I need to notify my doctor and go to the emergency room. Even if my temperature is normal but I suddenly feel unwell, I need to call my doctor. My risk of infection is high. Naturally, I have to wash my hands frequently and stop picking my skin. Any open wound risks infection in my body.

Currently, the chemo treatment feels like a really bad pregnancy--except I'm both mother and babe. I can't stand to be around cooking foods, I have cravings and I'm repulsed by things that I ate a few hours before. I need to lay down and rest, however, it's very important to stay active and move. I'm constantly monitoring my input and output: what I've consumed, what has come out, how much I weigh. After I've eaten something, I run upstairs to brush my teeth and rise with the snotty swill. Mouth sores! If I've forgotten to drink my water, I take giant swigs from the Mason jar. Coffee grounds! Do I have any nicks on my skin? Was I chewing the inside of my mouth? Am I holding my pee too long in the middle of the night?

I'm a fragile vessel. The countdown continues: 109 days to go.