Last summer, I had to avoid the sun.

The chemicals from the chemo made my skin react poorly to its rays. This was probably one of the more difficult parts of chemo. All I wanted to do was recline on a chair, close my eyes and drink in the sun's warmth. Preferably by a swimming pool. Summertime in the Pacific Northwest is so mildly wonderful. And fun! And I was experiencing neither.

We tried to “get away” with a mini vacation, a day trip to Pacific City and Tierra del Mar on the Oregon Coast. We scheduled it on a Friday because my infusions were on Wednesdays, so I wouldn’t be feeling too badly. Also, my white blood cell count would be teetering somewhere within the normal range, fingers crossed. Jason ordered a beach tent from Amazon and I packed the necessary supplies: an umbrella, a book, lots of water, toilet paper and a small brown paper bag to discard my “white flowers.” 

Driving to the coast was the last thing my body wanted to do, but we were determined to see the ocean as a family. I reclined in the car, gulped down waves of nausea and slowly inhaled deep breaths of air conditioning. Once we arrived, we walked onto the beach and felt the hot sand between our toes. Jason set up the tent and I gratefully sat inside, ready to rest—my legs felt like brittle toothpicks holding up a boulder. Whenever I needed to pee, I walked into the brush where brown rabbits lived, swatted and released apologetically—I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—to Mother Nature. No doubt, my toxic piss left dead zones in the dirt. I placed my soiled toilet paper wads in the brown paper sack and carted the evidence back to my tent. 

Mission accomplished. We took a mini family vacation during my chemo treatments. But we really looked forward to our spring break vacation in Hawaii which marked the end of cancer. Almost. A final surgery was scheduled after our return. But Hawaii represented the culmination, our apogee, the point from which we moved forward and got to live without cancer as a daily reminder. 

We successfully made that trip. And the surgery was completed three weeks ago. And today, we celebrate Jason’s birthday as a regular family with all the shuffling around of our busy schedules. For a couple of hours tonight, we get to pause from that disarray and eat a great meal and have dessert. As a regular family. 

Happy Birthday, Love!

(Tierra del Mar, August 19, 2016)