Fill 3

These fills are ridiculous. Third one. I’ve talked to my reconstructive surgeon and we’ll do perhaps one more. Maybe. And that’s it. Before the bilateral mastectomy, I was a DD bra size, so I originally thought I would settle for a C cup. Smaller yet curvy. Jason is a tit man, after all.

But the fills suck. Plain and simple. And it’s absolutely disgusting to think that my chest muscles are being warped. I’ve heard that sleeping positions can be affected by the larger the silicone implants, too. These are 100% fake, no mammary glands for padding. They move differently than normal breast tissue. I don’t need to wear a bra anymore (bonus!), in fact, bras don’t fit the phony tits. And since silicone tends runs colder, I don’t want big cold boobs. I’m always cold as it is.

So after the first fill, I revised my C cup size to a B cup. But in freaky cancerland, bra sizes don’t matter anymore. It’s all about the amount of saline cc’s injected into me. This is confusing. Everyone keeps telling me to gauge my size by how far my boobs stick out from my chest. But when one expander is growing up high near my shoulder and the other one is growing downward by my ribs, it becomes complicated. I’m told not to worry about it, this happens. Believe me, I’m not worried. I just want it done.

My plastic surgeon installed expanders that hold up to 450 cc’s of saline. That would require six fills. Hahahaha. NO. WAY. I’m currently at 300 cc’s (apparently I was filled with 150 cc’s during surgery, not 100; this was a surprise to me). So I might be settling for an A cup size. I don’t know. Nobody knows—including bras.

What I do know is that my breast surgeon removed over one and a half pounds of boobs. And I didn’t expect the sensation I felt when I first sat up after surgery. The weightlessness! I stood arrow-like, too. One and a half pounds doesn’t seem like much unless you hold a 28oz can of tomatoes and place it right in front of your chest. I wonder if my back and neck will release much of their chronic tension in the ensuing years. Suddenly, I’m a huge advocate for breast reduction. I absolutely love these little boobs!