Thursday, December 15, 2016

Fuck! That hurt!

Hahahaha! Not really. It didn't hurt that much.

Seriously.

(A few hours after surgery)

Ouch! That looks painful, but it honestly wasn't so bad. This surgery felt much better than the hysterectomy/oophorectomy I had at the beginning of this ordeal. Perhaps because the first surgery was internal and the mastectomy is in many ways external--boobs are an appendage. I also had some help in the form of a pain pump. This was my friend for three days:




It slowly pumped lidocaine (a numbing agent) into my chest. The only discomfort I felt was from the drains on the side of my body. After the pain pump completed it's job on day four, I only used oxycodone six times. Now I just pop two Advils in the morning and call it good.

But those drains are bothersome and pinchy. Here's what I mean:


Whoa, I know! I swear I'm turning into a robot. (Jason put stars on my nipples just in case Blogger gets pissy about it. I honestly don't care if you see my nipples. It's all reconstructed. My boobs are not me, they're Dr. O'Brien.)

So back to all those tubes hanging out of my body... The two small ones in the center were for the pain pump. While I was recovering in the hospital, my head filled with post-surgery haze, I was notified that I would pull those out myself. Wha--? This was in between the PT who instructed mandatory exercises, my breast surgeon who decided to worm her finger underneath the surgical tape and onto my nipples to double-check that they were still warm, and the OT who recommended I use tongs to hold a wad toilet paper to wipe after using the bathroom (for the record: I never had to use tongs, thank you very much).

But back to those center tubes... I had to pull them out myself. Jason and Nigel are squeamish, so I was solo on this mission. One deep breath and a very strong desire to rid myself of these attachments was all it took. There was a surprising amount of tension, like playing tug-o-war with dental floss. At one point, my arm began to shake from the strain which was disconcerting (and I'll admit, a little nauseating). And those tubes were much loooonger than expected.

But I still had four drains to contend with: one inside each upper breast and one inside each lower breast. Twice a day I had to strip the tubes (squeeze and run my fingers down the length of each one), empty the fluid into a measuring cup, and document the amount. And this isn't just any type of fluid, it's a strange broth that grows chunks of human tissue. How miraculous our bodies are!



Each tube has a stitch to hold it in place. They're extremely uncomfortable and if I move too quickly they jab me with a sharp pinch. I can only sleep on my back and I'm getting tired of it. In fact, this bilateral mastectomy gig would be far more pleasant without these drains. Each one must produce less than 30cc's of their nasty miracle fluid before it can be removed. The upper two drains were removed the first week post surgery. The lower right one was removed yesterday. And while their removal was quick, it was not fun. I still have one inside me. Hopefully, it will be pulled out tomorrow if it stops churning out excessive broth and squiggly tissue. Then I can get rid of this:


(The post-mastectomy camisole with special pockets to hold drains)

There is a light at the end of this tunnel.

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