Even though I recently posted about my final infusion,

it actually happened a month ago. I have officially pushed my legs away from the bottom of the muck and emerged out of the water, blinking and gulping the air. After that final infusion, I crashed hard. For two weeks, I didn’t do much, mostly slept and puttered around the house. Ironically, I’m finally able to drag my body onto land only to be thrown back into the mess again. I’ll get to that in a minute.

But first, let’s chat about this chemo. For starters, I’ve gained 15 pounds! I’ve been on a steady diet of steroids since June so it’s not too surprising (my oncologist notified me that half of her patients gain weight on chemo). Whenever the nurses, naturopath or oncologist asked me how I was doing, I would reply, “I’m hungry.” This delighted them. Each round of chemo breaks down the body’s cells, and calories—especially protein—is needed to rebuild it. And while my naturopath was the only one trying to steer me toward healthy food choices and zero sugar (ha, fat chance during chemo!), nobody else was concerned. As the nurse navigator said, “Healthy food choices after chemo. Right now you need calories.” And so I ate and ate and ate with a big smile on my face. 

(It’s important to note that I also ate out of fear. Have you ever seen an emaciated person on chemo? Most are severely anemic. Some can barely walk. To lose 15 pounds from chemo is not the same as losing 15 pounds from a healthy lifestyle. Not at all.) 

My heart, my glorious heart has returned! The first half of my treatments gave my heart a weakened squeeze. This resulted in very low blood pressure, 60/40 (I didn’t feel faint or dizzy unless I really exerted myself). My blood pressure returned to normal during the second half of chemo, 100/60 (it’s always been low). One night when I was three weeks into the second half of treatment, I was startled to hear a familiar sound thrumming inside my ears, head and chest. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. My heartbeat! With all the noise from the chemo vibrations, I didn’t notice that my heartbeat had disappeared. Something had felt “off” but I wasn’t able to identify it until my heart made it known. And now that the chemo vibrations have dissipated, I can hear my life engine, loud and clear. 

I can taste food again! Chemo destroys fast-growing cells: hair, nails, the gut, etc. This sadly includes tastebuds, too. The hour after an infusion is the worst. I once ate cheese fries with ketchup and all I tasted was chalk. My tastebuds have now blossomed on my tongue, however after five months of reduced flavor, extreme sweet and salty foods have become way too intense. Salt on my eggs: okay. A bite of organic cheese puffs: SALT LICK! Honey on my yogurt: fine. A bite of dessert: SUGAR CUBE!

My fingernails are almost back to normal, but my toenails still look bruised and mangy. They will eventually grow out. But more important than the looks of my nails was the avoidance of neuropathy (numbness in the fingers and toes that can cause permanent nerve damage). It’s very common to get neuropathy during chemo. Since I do so much work with my hands (cook, sew, embroider), I was terrified of this. The naturopath gave me Neurosol pills to help avoid a potential flare, but it was a feeble effort. There’s not much one can do to avoid neuropathy. Thankfully, I only felt pins and needles on the ends of my fingers and toes a few times after treatment. And those sharp little sparks only lasted for a few seconds each time.

Finally, that carboplatin… Two weeks after I completed chemo, I went in for a blood draw. My neutrophils had tanked yet again and were down to 700. A healthy neutrophil count is between 2,500 to 6,000. I will receive another blood draw today.

Before my surgery.

A bilateral mastectomy.

In fact, I scheduled to have this blog post go up at 1:30pm, the exact time when I’ll be going under. 

And if you’re reading this at 1:30pm, then my breast surgeon is serenading me right now. 

I’ll post an update once I return home from the hospital.